Happy fucking father's day.

Dear Daddy:

This is my first father’s day without you. We never really celebrated it when you were alive but now that you’re gone I’ve felt like I couldn’t breathe all day. I don’t think I will ever get over the pain of watching you die and knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I am so angry that you left me here. I’m even angrier that you left me for the bottle long before that.

I thought I had daddy issues before but these days it seems I’m a whole new type of crazy. I coddle the hell out of everyone for fear that if I turn my back they might leave me. Or die. Or something. Because of my intense need to be with the people I love all the time, I’ve pushed two very important people away from me. I’m my mother. I never understood why she put up with your belligerent shit for so long. It’s because she needed something to keep her grounded. Now that you’re gone, she’s flown the coop. I keep trying to replace you with someone just as drunk and mean as you but no one will ever replace you. No matter what, I’ll still always be daddy’s little girl. I love you. Happy father’s day.